Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
