The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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