We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
