Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
