You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
