I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
