the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
