when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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