Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Randomize
