btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
