You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
