Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
