Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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