Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
