My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
