oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
