We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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