When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
