I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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