Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
