you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize