I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
