Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
