I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
