it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He shit in the fireplace
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
