so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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