we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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