I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
