Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
