My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
