okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
