He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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