i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's the barista slut.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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