so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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