Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
