how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
