so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
