woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
