remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
