i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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