i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
