Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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