Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
