Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I didn't notice because vodka
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
