you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
