yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize