So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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