This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
