RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
