So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
