so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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