I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
