I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
