I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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