Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
