where am i from again
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
