If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize