please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
