I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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