this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
