I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
