I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize