have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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