I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
