I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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