Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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