I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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