There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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