no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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