My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
