Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
