I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
