they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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