saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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